I'm back & I have updates!

Hello blog world! Did you think I forgot about you? I have totally neglected this blog over the past month and I hate it. SO MUCH has changed in our lives and I don't want to leave you in the dark. So my goal over the next week or so is to get you up to speed (I also treat this as my journal - so some of the stuff I write might bore you, but I don't want to forget it!)

I am now a full time photographer!

"The realization of a call in a person's life may come like a clap of thunder or it may dawn gradually. But however quickly or slowly this awareness comes, it is always accompanied with an undercurrent of the supernatural- something that is inexpressible and produces a "glow." -Oswald Chambers-

What? How? Why? When? Details! Ok ok here they are :)

I have LOVED working with Unlock Ministries/Op Camp and the whole time I was there I knew it was just where I was supposed to be. Just like anything else, sometimes you are happy that you are where you are supposed to be and sometimes you are confused. Most of the time I was very happy - as a lot of you know, my dream/passion/college degree/etc was all about running my own Christian summer camp one day. I love camp - I grew up going to Camp Mystic, worked at Mystic 3 summers in college & then worked at another camp in California (Hume Lake) the other summer. My major in college was church recreation and when people ask I usually tell them I majored in camp. It's true! After college, camp internship, getting married, moving to Austin I searched high and wide for a camp job. In the year and a half we were in Austin we even spent weekend time at two different camps in hopes that I would land a full time job there. It obviously wasn't the Lords plan for my life but I was so mad about it. I fought with God & my husband about it and just wasn't ready to give up the dream. When we got the call to move to Midland, I still was on the search for a job that related to camps. That second summer I worked with Rock the Desert & heard all about plans they once had to build a camp outside of Midland and the dream of doing that myself was very much alive. After that summer job & another short term job with the United Way I met Ben Wall - executive director of Unlock Ministries. He was PASSIONATE about what he did & the kids he serves. For more info, visit the website http://www.opcamp.com/. I envied that & still had the camp dream. When my job at UW was closing, Ben was looking to expand his team. He needed an assistant - now, I had worked in many offices and thought of myself as organized and administrative and was up for the task when I was offered the job (after a few lunch meetings!). I knew my strength and skill went beyond the office admin task, but I was ready to show my stuff and get involved in an organization that I believed in. As my dream was still to own my own camp, I thought this was the perfect opportunity to learn the "other side" of camp - the office side. Sure, I knew I loved the fun crazy kid side of camp, but would I love the business side? The business side of camp I would soon see wasn't my favorite thing - I did it because I like to think with everything I do, I give it 100% and it's something that somebody has to do - and this time, that somebody was me. Early summer rolled around & the interns started! Boy was I in heaven. Bekah & Cori were a blast to be around and Bekah honestly is one of my best friends. more like family - and I can't image not having worked with her in this way. I loved planning for games, hanging out with the high school staff, being around the campers. The two weeks we were at camp were an absolute blast. At the beginning of the summer I wasn't so sure about "missing out" of all the things my summers normally consist of but at the end it was totally worth it. I loved every second of the summer, especially getting to hang out with the high school & college staff. We pulled pranks, we hung out all the time, we laughed a lot, we worked hard - but we played hard too! The thing I LOVE about camp is the relationships, the being out in nature away from all the "things" of the world, getting closer to the Lord, acting like a little kid again, no worries! Summer was over. Photography was picking back up again & when the year started I knew I was going to be busy. Teen CBS every Tuesday night, photography all the time, working full time, and trying to be a good wife & friend. I thought I could handle it for a year - but it got to be too much. I was staying up until 2 or 3 am a few nights a week just trying to keep my head above water. I wasn't doing anything well because I was trying to do too much. Like I said, I put 100% into everything I do and it was so frustrating to me to not be able to do anything effectively. I wasn't able to hang out with people that much, I almost had a panic attack every day for about 2 weeks, I just wasn't myself!

This is when I really had to take a step back and evaluate my life. What was important to me? what brought me joy and gave me purpose? What do I really love to do & feel called to do? I knew that going to Love Affair {more about that here} was something I was supposed to do and wasn't really sure why. But it was there that I learned so much about life, balance, work, family. I got to evaluate what is important in my life, where I spend my time and looking forward what I want out of life. I realized I don't want to be some rockstar photographer that works all the time & makes a ton of money. Photography to me is all about relationships. You have no idea how many cool "god moments" I have had while photographing a family, or at coffee with a "client". I find joy in photographing people as they are and getting to capture the essence of life through a photograph. I feel like God has given me this gift and I want to use it for His glory. You get to the point where you get a taste of what you love and you want to do that all the time! I want to have time with Stephen, time with friends, I want to invest in relationships with people I photograph and I want to enjoy this beautiful life God has given me. I don't want to be stressed out all the time, trying to do it all because I can't do it all! I think I can, but I know I really can't - and I can do nothing apart from God. Even my relationship with Him was suffering during this time and He got me to a point where I had to look at myself and ask myself what I really wanted. I want to start a family, I want to spend time with those I love, I want to build relationships with students, I want to use my photography to impact the world around me.

So - I have an amazingly supportive husband who said go for it! I forgot to tell you, but a few weeks ago (or has it been more than that?) he surprised me with a brand new camera. We were on our usual chick fil a date and he pulled out a card (that was very sweet!) and inside a folded up piece of paper that was the receipt of the brand spanking new camera he got me (he gets mad when I tell people how much it cost, so I won't. ha) He got his first commission check that morning and the FIRST thing he did was buy me the new camera I had been saving for. That's what I mean when I say I have an awesome and encouraging husband. He told me that if a salary and insurance was getting in the way of what I truly wanted to do & felt called to do, then I don't need to let that be a factor. God will provide and we will make it just fine. He more than anyone else has taught me what it means to go for your dreams - he has believed in me, pushed me, encouraged me and made me a better person. If it weren't for him, I probably wouldn't be a full time photographer. I am who I am and I am so glad I have found someone who loves me for me & pushes me to be better!

The talk with my boss was amazing - him & his wife are close close friends of mine and I know they want the best for me. They know my heart and they know me so the conversation we had was amazing. It was totally the Lord's provision and work. They prayed with me after I told them it was time to move on. Although I am moving on from the day to day with Unlock, I am not moving on from the ministry all together. I will still continue to be a part of the students lives & be a part of camp too! It is a part of me, a part of who I am but I now know that this is not the dream and plan God has for my life. This past year with Unlock has been a HUGE part of my story and was not wasted one bit. I'll tell you more about that in my next post - because there is more to the story! But this is long enough.

Please keep coming back to this blog & check out my new photography blog at http://wynneelderphotographyblog.com/. Go ahead and add it to your google reader - because there you will find fun pictures and not all these boring words :) I'll tell you all about life as a full time photographer and the other happenings in our life!