why gloriously ruined?

I spent part of the weekend working on my new blog [yippee!!]  and trying to make everything easier to navigate/find.  I want my blog to be a great resource for you in your journey & right now things are just too hard to find.  So I hope in the next few weeks I'll get to share my full blog design with you.  but for now...I'll share with you my new header/logo and share a little bit with you WHY my blog is called Gloriously Ruined.  [big shout out to Danielle for the amazing new blog design]

the past 3.5 years have been quite the journey.  

a journey that has gloriously ruined our lives.

I like to call these my "pre africa" wynne pics.  

the plans & dreams we had for our family are beyond different than the plans God had for our  family.

I wanted to wait 5-7 years to have kids after marriage but 2.5 years in, God changed my heart overnight.

I wanted to have biological children.

I wanted all boys.

I was/am terrified of childbirth & am not really a "baby person".

god knew.

he knew all along that he was going to bless us with two beautiful ethiopians
he knew the road it would take to get us there.
he knew it would be bumpy, rocky, wonderful & surprising (thanks for putting it so beautifully Jenna)

[first time to africa together, in Uganda on Stephens 29th birthday, August 2011] 

he also knew that it would lead us to africa
and to our love affair with orphan care, clean water efforts and responsible shopping
he knew it would lead us to the adoption community,
to have a passion to support missionaries all over the world
to be a part of giving a child a great education & lots of love through child sponsorship

[my first day in Korah, Ethiopia.  this day forever changed my world.  and so did the boy in yellow]

he knew it would transform the way we look at the world
it would erase "color" from our eyes
it would open the door for others to see gods heart for the orphan

[THIS is us.  loving + serving kids in korah, August 2011]

he knew it would gloriously ruin our lives.

[the day we met the kids! June 2012]

our lives look dramatically different than before.
not that we are "better"
our eyes are just open more
now that we have SEEN, we can't pretend we don't know
we are responsible.

we want to live radical lives for jesus.
we want to continue to be wrecked & ruined
lying down our plans & dreams and ambitions to live the "american dream"
to follow His will for our life instead

to be used by Him and for Him
to make Him known & make Him famous
to love god & love others

We want to live HIS story.  

[C+A baby shower]

I was never "one of those" radical people that had "a heart for the nations"
but now I am.
god changed my heart and wrecked my world
and he can do the same for you
if you just ask.

[Easter 2012]

pray.
listen.
then pray some more.
then act.
just take the next step that He is calling you and your family to
be you, don't be someone else.  don't live vicariously through someone else.
don't believe the lie that "having a heart for the nations" or adoption is for "someone else"
it's for all of us.

reach out & claim it.
your life will never be the same-- it will be GLORIOUSLY ruined.

[Thanksgiving 2012]

stay tuned for the new blog.  I'll have a "be ruined" resource page where I"ll share with you all the amazing resources for adoption, missions, clean water, sponsorship, responsible shopping, praying for the unreached, conferences + books that helped us along the way.  

created for care.

Created for Care.

why yes I am.  Especially as a momma.  We need care, we need to be refreshed + renewed.  We need time away from the every day life to rest.  We need to hear from God!  and for me, when I'm away, undistracted, and still... I can really hear God.

Last year, this adoptive momma retreat blew me away.  and usually experiences the first time set the bar  for greatness + the second and third time don't measure up.  Not this time!  It blew me away again.  There is just something about getting in a room with 450+ mommas that all have a heart for adoption....think about that.  450 women from all over the country!  God is for sure moving in the hearts of families all over our great nation and it's amazing to put so many of us in the same room for the weekend.

I have much left to process, and many a blog posts to come about what the good Lord spoke to me, but for now I wanted to write about my overal expiernce and share some pics of the beautiful girls I got to spend the weekend with!

first let me say, that you KNOW you are at a retreat with mommas when you all collectively get really excited about renting a MINI VAN.  (sisters, don't hate).  We had a good laugh about that.
But it was just amazing how God ordained the four of us to be together.  Lauren (on the right) was my roomie last year!  We met for the first time "in real life" as roommates and THEN god was so faithful to fulfill a dream to be TOGETHER in Ethiopia this summer!  (I got to take pics of her + her hubby meeting their daughter, Arsema!)  she has a beautiful story + writes it so beautifully on her blog.

Tara (middle) and I have been email/phone friends for about a year and a half and JUST met in real life this weekend!  she is a jewel of a friend with a similar story to mine and I am SO GLAD we got to spend so much time together this weekend talking, praying, crying, laughing and remembering god's faithfulness!  Just this time last year neither of us thought we were anywhere CLOSE to know who are children are & now we both have them all home!

Shelby (left) is a doll.  she's a baylor girl too (her & tara were roomies!) and we quickly realized we had a class together back in the day.  you just never know when you are going to meet a friend-for-life and that's exactly what SHE is.  I love her!

We made it to Lake Lanier (thanks to my mad driving skills ;) and had fun eating dinner & staying up late talking.  we all (minus Lauren) slept until 10:30 the next morning!!!  tired mommas ;)  it was so nice.  my sweet husband surprised me with a gift for a MASSAGE!  from camp + asher ;)  started the weekend off right!

I could really go on, but I'll spare you every detail of the weekend.  

lets just say there were late nights, tears, lots of coffee, shopping, worship, new friendship, teaching, praying, laughing, healing and dreaming. 

and lots of friends.  old friends.  new friends.  blog friends.  instagram friends.  life long friends. real life friends. africa friends. airplane friends. 

seriously.  so much to process and take time to write.  and I can't wait to share what I learned + share more of my heart.  It was healed more than a little bit this weekend.  God is good.  

One of the songs we sang that captured my heart, is "I know who goes before me, I know who stands behind, the God of angel armies is always by my side.  the one who reigns forever, He is a friend of mine!" (Whom shall I fear by Chris Tomlin)  it's become somewhat of an anthem. 

If god is for us, who can be against us? 

PS- my new friend from this weekend, Megan & her hubby are on Give1Save1 this week.  go watch their video, and give them $1 or more! 

Happy 1st birthday Camp!

Dear Camp,

Today we celebrated your first birthday.  We celebrated you today and your precious life.  How are you already having a birthday?  We are so proud of the little boy that God has made you to be, you bring us such joy!  He has created you to do great things sweet Camp.  We are praying everyday that you would come to know Him at a young age.  We are praying you will know Jesus intimately + seek to read His word.  We are praying and believing that you will be a LIGHT for the nations.  We thank God that He has entrusted us to be your parents and to love you & teach you about Him and train you in the way you should go.  We love the personality that you already have sweet boy.  You have the best attention span of any child I've ever met and we love your fascination with books.  You are going to be quite the studious one.  I'm probably going to need you to keep your sister in line throughout the years in that department ;)  You have the sweetest smile and laugh and the prettiest eyes.  We tell you about a thousand times a day how much we love you and how you are the most precious little boy in the whole wide world.  You are surely loved! 

As much as we celebrated you and what you mean to our family, your birth family wasn't far from our minds either.  We are mourning their loss and your loss sweet boy.  I thought out loud so many times today about your birth mother.  Does she know that today was the day we celebrated your 1st birthday?  I know she is thinking about you and wondering where you are.  I pray that she knows in her heart that you are in a loving family and are being well taken care of every day of your life.  The thought of her loss and what she gave up to give you a better life + a family brings us to tears.  You my sweet son have endured more loss and heartache than we'll ever know in our lifetime.  We want you to know that we are with you, fighting for you, loving you, listening to you, walking alongside of you every step of the way to healing.  YOU my sweet son are ours forever.  

we love you + so do so many others! 

Happy First Birthday Camp!!! 

waking up to "happy birthday" song by mommy + sweet hugs from daddy when he got home from getting the birthday surprise! 

Camp is so excited by the decorations in the kitchen ALL for him!  Daddy showing him the way! 

birthday breakfast complete with hat, button, birthday plate and singing balloon! 

you are quite loved sweet boy!  

your friends even wore their "I love Camp shirts" in honor of your birthday!

we are SO well loved!!!! 

 

Until next year! 

Where to start?

One of my biggest joys is getting to talk to adoptive mommas who are just starting the process.  

They are so expectant.  so excited for what God is going to do.  they have no idea that where they are now, will soon end with something similar to the image above.  beautiful, sent from god child(ren)!

one thing about these mommas is they are a sponge for information.

I remember when we decided to adopt, we didn't have any real life friends who had adopted, and didn't know the first thing to do!  It did seem scary & foreign and totally new. 

So I love getting to talk to moms, answer their questions, connect them with people/agencies/resources because when I didn't know anyone and I was calling random people I found online and friends of friends of friends & I loved it when people helped me.  and my general philosophy in life is to pay it forward!  people helped me - so I want to help people. 

So really there are about a dozen posts I have in my head to write, and I will get there.
they include: fundraising, choosing a country, fundraising, people raising, ha.

but I do have these nifty little pages on my blog that if you are reading from reader or bloglovin' you might not know about.  I have one called "adoption" and there you can find a little bit about our story, our timeline, a few videos, and some resources for you & your journey.

Here's just a little clip of the resource section (at the bottom)


Together for Adoption - amazing adoption conference, and outstanding resources
Noonday Collection - consider becoming an ambassador to raise funds for your adoption or simply host a trunk show!
Give1Save1 - features a different family each week to raise money for their adoption
147 million orphans - fundraising program & awesome adoption gear
Project Hopeful - education on adopting HIV+/AIDS orphans
Generations Adoptions - another amazing agency, specializing in Ugandan adoptions
Reece's Rainbow - information on adopting children with special needs
Show Hope - offers grants to adoptive families
Abba Fund - financial solutions for adoptions
Rainbow Kids - guidelines for each country, waiting children's lists

Stephen & I are conference junkies and our whole story from when we said YES started when we went to a Together for Adoption conference.  Something about worshiping, being taught from and meeting 900 other people who all had a heart for adoption that sparked something inside of us.  It connected us with several key organizations that have sense become a huge part of our story (noonday collection, Visiting Orphans).

But after that, we started researching agencies.  Every country has it's own requirements, and we quickly learned that out of all the African countries, we met the qualifications of Ethiopia.

If you are unfamiliar, these qualifications include things such as: your age, how long you've been married, how many kids you have at home, etc.  Ethiopia requirements are you have to be 25 years old & married for 1 (or is it 2?) years.

in the resources section, rainbow kids is a great place to get a good look at all countries agencies.  So if you are not sure where you want to adopt from, or what countries you qualify for - that is a good place to start.

so...that's really all for today.  just a quick glimpse into how our story started & some resources to hopefully help answer some of your questions.

Once I get my blog all re-organized + designed I hope to make it easier for you to find older posts that might be able to help you.  but until then....hope this helped!

feel free to ask questions & if I know the answer I'd be glad to help! 

ps - right now actually I'm at an amazing adoptive mommas retreat called Created for Care. so, you should look it up & look into it for march or next year!

*have a good weekend friends, I'm signing off through the weekend to be present at the retreat!  I'll answer all questions/comments next week when I get home!

calling all dreamers.

I have a dream.
yep, today is Martin Luther King Jr Day.
I've had these thoughts swirling around in my head for about a week about being a DREAMER and just felt like today was the perfect day to write them down.

I was inspired yet again today, by a man who dreamed big.  who risked everything to dream.
and look what has come of his big, audacious dreams. 

I have a dream that one day little black boys and girls will be holding hands with little white boys and girls ~ Martin Luther King Jr.

He also dreamed that his kids would not be judged not by the color of their skin, but the content of their character. 
that too is a dream of mine. 

back to dreaming.
I ran into someone recently & when I asked how they were and what they had been up to they said something that you & I say or hear said a lot, "oh we're just going through the motions".
my friends, it's SO EASY to just go through the motions.  I know it is.  I struggle and battle with it too.

but in that next moment God reminded me big time, that we should always be praying big prayers and dreaming big dreams.  

remember when you were a kid & someone asked you what your dream was?
why did we stop asking that question?  or beleving those dreams could come true? 
while we might not still want to be a professional singer (yep, gotta actually be able to sing for that one)
we have real life dreams that God has put on our hearts.
passions.

I'm reading a book called The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson  and yall I keep reading the same pages over and over.  It's so good.  I just need it to seep into my soul.  I picked it back up this weekend and this is where I landed,

"If you've never had a God-sized dream that scared you half to death, then you haven't really come to life.  If you've never been overwhelmed by the impossibility of your plans, then your God is too small.  If your vision isn't perplexingly impossible, then you need to expand the radiuses of your prayer circles."  

God is ABLE to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine.  (eph 3:20) 

so why don't we believe him sometimes? 

why don't we dream big dreams?

pray big prayers? 

and believe for God to do the impossible?

I don't know about you, but all this talk about dreaming and praying big challenged me to go back to God in prayer and ask Him what he wants of me. 

to look at my passions & my position and not be afraid to dream big.

this past week, Stephen + I served at something called Challenge Day (which you'll hear more about tomorrow in my anybody post) and we had a "buddy" who we shared dreams with.  

My sweet friend shared with me it's his dream to play in the NFL.  

I encouraged him to go for his dream!!

I didn't tell him that there's a high chance that won't happen, I believed in him and encouraged him to GO FOR HIS DREAM! 

and that's what I wish we could do for each other.

encourage each other, meet together, talk about our dreams & our passions. 

a few friends of mine & I had a "dreamer" lunch recently (alison talks about it here) and it was incredible.

it didn't take much but just asking each other what we were dreaming and praying about. 

So, I want to encourage YOU to do the same.  find a friend or two and open up + talk about those god sized dreams, and then encourage and pray for each other on the way to god fulfilling those dreams! 

my dreams need a whole other post, but I'll leave you with what I told my Challenge day buddy: I hope to be a mom to a whole lot of kids who wouldn't otherwise have a family.  

what are your dreams?! 

ethiopian roots run deep.

it's late Thursday night + I'm having one of my "in the mood" late photo editing nights.
thinking about the day.
seriously, adoption has changed our whole life.
it has expanded our world view ten fold.
people that we might never have had the opportunity to know, we now consider family.

I mean, when did we ever go over to our "ethiopian parents" house for coffee ceremonies?
or go to gotcha day parties + celebrate orphans no more being in their forever families?

it's insane.
and I love every minute.


we want our kids to KNOW all about their culture.
so we love when getanah & wosene speak to them in amharic + even oromo (their tribal language)
we love it when we participate in one of the greatest traditions of their home culture - the coffee ceremony.

we love it when they have friends who come from the same places as they do.

tonight, as our sweet friend Lana's daughter Eva Rose met Camp + Asher for the first time, Lana told her simply that they come from the same place that she does.

Eva just studied Asher and said in her 3 year old voice, "mommy she has hair just like me & Lomi do".  Yes, Eva she sure does.  and her skin is the same as yours.
Eva strokes her skin and says an enthusiastic, "yeah!"
"and her eyes are black too"

simple conversation but it still stole my heart.

I love that that four little girls who once lived as orphans in Ethiopia, can now call each other friends in Midland Texas.  they can relate to each other.  even at a young age.  

I'm so thankful for the adoptive families that we are blessed to call friends!

and those of you who are adopting & don't know ANYONE who's adopting in your area... rest assured, we didn't either when we started this thing.  the bond of adoption runs thick.  you will meet "your people"!  pray for an adoption boom in your city! 

Emme, it was an honor to celebrate your gotcha day tonight.  I can't believe it's been 1 year since you've been home.  I still remember so well sitting in YOUR room with YOU IN IT just in awe.  after months of no Emme in that room, that day you spun me around in your chair it all became real.
you are a beautiful joyful  and have the best-laugh-ever + I'm blessed to know you! (jennas blog here!)

camp + asher, may you never lose your Ethiopian roots.  

happy friday yall! 

 in case you missed it this week:

I guest posted over on my girl Tara's blog here. 

talking about my No. 41 bag! 

All you ever wanted to know about Camp + Asher

well ok, not everything.

just wanted to say thanks for being super supportive of us & loving our family so well.  With two new babes added to our family, we tend to get a lot of questions!  SO... I thought I'd answer some of the questions we get every time we meet someone new!  (and ones that I never have really talked about on the blog!)

(sweet camp already taking care of his little sister!)

What are your kids names?
Camp Abel
why Camp?


Asher Asanti
why Asher? we always loved the name (it's in the greatest book ever written - the Bible) and when we heard her Ethiopian name was Asanti, it just fit.  Seriously, we just looked at each other and almost at the same time said "Asher".  and it was totally from the Lord as Asher means "happy or blessed" and she is just about the happiest kid I know.

Did you keep their Ethiopian names?
Yes and No.
Asher's Ethiopian name was Asanti & we kept it.  It has lots of meanings, but the nannies in Ethiopia told me it means "near to me" and this mommas heart loves that.

Camp's Ethiopian name was Kedir.  At first I loved it, as one of my brothers from Korah is named Kedir, but after spending a summer with him and watching him change his name after he got baptized (Kedir is a muslim name) we decided we didn't want our child to grown up with a muslim name.  SO - we chose Abel.  (pronounced a-bell in Ethiopia, and more like "able" here).  I met a sweet boy in Korah named Abel this summer and later discovered it meant the same thing as Kedir - "capable".  BONUS, my favorite scripture is Ephesians 3:20, "God is ABLE to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine."  (guess, I can cross that tattoo off my list).

How old are they?
Asher is10 months (almost 11) & Camp is 11 months

When are their birthdays? Will you celebrate them together? Did you pick their bdays? 
Ashers is Feburary 24th
Camp's is January 29th
YES we will (at least for the time being) celebrate their birthdays on a mutual date.
and then celebrate them individually as a family on their actual birthday
no, we did not pick the days.  they are days that were estimated by the people in Ethiopia, and we just chose to keep them!

Are they siblings?
well, yes they are!
might not have been born siblings, but they are siblings now.
They've also been together since they were 1 month old in 2 orphanages, the transition home, and now in their joint room at our house.  (blog about their room coming soon!)
yes, they share a room.

Are they sleeping? 
not sure why everyone asks I'm sure every new mother this question, but yes they are sleeping.
they don't usually wake each other up at night, but they often wake each other up during nap time.
thank goodness I have a pack-n-play set up in the guest room in case one of em is getting fussy

What are their personalities like? 
they couldn't be more different.  and I love them both!

Asher for sure is a party waiting to happen.  she has this smile for the camera thing going on, and she makes friends pretty easily.  She is sassy, girly, attention loving and I love her so much.  reminds me of someone else I know :)

Camp is the sweetest.  he's my little music man.  he always has to check every new thing/person out and he looks at you real serious.  but once he knows you, man.  he has the cheesiest smile and he just lights up when I say his name.  he's wise it seems.  always listening or watching everything I put in front of him.  I love him!

Well, that's all I can think of for now.  I'm sure there are more questions - send em to me if you've got em!

Camp + Asher are really passionate about getting other orphans home.  They are totally for adoption fundraisers and especially ones that involve them getting to be a part of it ;)

My friend Melissa created this coloring book called "The ABC's of Coming Home".  It's a journey through the alphabet that introduces things to adopted kids that may be unfamiliar.  Plus, I think it would be fun for bio kids too!  Who doesn't love to color?  Buy yours here & support their Sierra Leone adoption! 

*ps, this weekend I pretty much just recovered from being sick last week, so I'm a little behind on emails and comments.  hope to catch up the next few days! 

2012 in review.

2012 has been quite the year.  

(our story via Fotolanthropy coming soon!)

from ringing in the new year in Rwanda to having our two sweet precious ethiopians home with us by christmas (and spending 2+ months living in the country that holds my heart) I'd say 2012 was a pretty darn good year. 

I've never done this before, but I wanted to go through and chose some of my favorite posts from 2012 (obviously I had a hard time narrowing them down).  I didn't realize how much it would ignite my soul.  reading through my fears and dreams from earlier this year & how God answered them and what He did.  as Jenna said, he's so good and faithful even when we are blind & can't see it.  He's been oh so faithful to me.  and this year was quite the journey - the glorious ending to a 2+ year adoption process and being called "mommy" for the first time. 

I can't wait to see what He has in store for 2013! and instead of telling you all my resolutions & goals now...I'll just try to live it + tell the story later.  

(I did these posts in the order they happend - and realized if you are new here, you'll pretty much know who I am and what I'm about after reading a few of these) 

I need Africa

picking up the pieces 

totally feel like that prayer was finally answered.  

affections are stirred

date with god

created for care

ready for camp (1st referral post!) 

when thank you isn't enough

the itch to go

power of relationships

when we visit orphans

dear camp

free to be me

doubling the love (the camp + asher announcement) 

camp + asher story

mommas

africa travel must have list (my go to!) 

restored (story behind my tat) 

be a catalyst

on my heart: africa

a shower for camp (baby shower pics!) 

good team (I love my hubby) 

its time, ethiopia bound!  (court date) 

the day I became a mom (probably my favorite post all year!) 

He has MORE! 

happy 30th stephen

passion for the lost

my missionary summer (living in addis abbaba, Ethiopia) 

changed me 

c+a update

the city

24/7 prayer

they are coming home!!!!

he sets the lonely in families

kissed by grace

perfect timing (if you read any of these posts...you should read this one!) 

I used to wonder

purchase with purpose (responsible/fair trade shopping ideas!) 

welcome home camp + asher

Welcome Home Camp + Asher

After a long 31 hour trip, we were so ready to be HOME!
In the adoption world, the "airport party" is something you DREAM about.
being welcomed home by your closest friends + family
everyone showing up with signs and balloons, smiling and crying and ready to meet your new babes.

and THIS party did not disappoint.

my mom & dad waiting upstairs

(we had our immediate family upstairs so they could be the FIRST to meet/see/welcome Camp + Asher)

here we come!

making sure they were real close!

MY FAVE!!!  such a moment to be celebrated!!!!

a highly anticipated moment for me (literally, a moment dreamed about for 2 years!)

all decked out in their shirts!

and with their signs! 

one of my best friends, Allison, has been through ALL the trying-to-start-a-family stuff with me.  

she went through the bad & the ugly so it was so fun to celebrate the GOOD!!

so special!  my other Alison!  so fun to see the joy on my friends faces! 

love this picture for so many reasons.  that's me & my mentor, Becca.  her daughter Katie was the one who "started it all" as we say.  such a special moment!  and LOVE that the kids were the first to run up!  thanks Dustin for this treasured image. 

Sommer recently told me this, "Thank you for the 20+!!! questions K has about your little ones. Thank you for answering so many yourself & for the invaluable lesson she is learning about the words #orphan #redemption and love that I could never teach her without YOUR story. Here is to the incredible gift of making me..us..the Bledsoe's...personally apart if your story! Gloriously ruined!!!"

Holly & I started this process at hte same time in 2010.  We went to the first adoption conference together - the one when God really spoke to Stephen.  SO fun to have our first picture of my Asher & her Moses (although you can't really see his face! ha) 

this hug.  I could cry just thinking about it.  Jenna is my adoption soul sister.  well she's my soul sister, adoption just brought us together.  and this moment.  well, it was long awaited for. 

my accountability.  my bible study girls.  my life long friends.  what started as a "no kids" thing has now become a "new kids" thing.  and I"m so very grateful to experience motherhood with you two.  

family!  stephen's side.

my fam. 

the WHOLE gang.

how humbling is it to have this many of your friends show up to welcome, support and love on your two newest little ones?!?!  

God is ABLE to do immeasurably more than ALL we can ask or imagine!
Ephesians 3:20

All photographs by Mallory Buck for Fotolanthropy.
so thankful & so excited that they came alongside of us and are helping us tell our story.
read more on fotolanthropy blog
and I'll let you know when our FILM is out!
** and read the story & see the images of the day we MET the kids via fotolanthropy**