December 9, 2012

perfect timing.

Gods timing.  
it's perfect.  it really is.  it doesn't always seem like it.  sometimes we question.  sometimes we KNOW his timing is perfect but it still makes us mad.  sometimes the pain & darkness of waiting on his timing is too much to bear.  

If my heart is overwhelmed and I cannot hear Your voice
I’ll hold on to what is true though I cannot see
If the storms of life they come and the road ahead gets steep
I will lift these hands in faith I will believe
{Love Came Down, Bethel Live}

but then there is peace.  there is the knowing that His timing was perfect.  that you are exactly where you are supposed to be.  that the pain & darkness only drove you closer to Him.  it only made you more desperate for him.  and even in the peace and joy and hope - you want to stay that way.  desperate.  

When my heart is filled with hope and every promise comes my way
When I feel Your hands of grace rest upon me
Staying desperate for You God, Staying humbled at Your feet
I will lift these hands and praise I will believe

I am Yours, I am Yours, all my days, I am Yours
{Love Came Down, Bethel Live}


This weekend was a reminder of Gods perfect timing and perfect peace.  this weekend.  our "no kids club" that has turned into the "new kids club" over the past three years.  

every year we have a Christmas party with these special friends and we celebrate.
we eat good food, we drink good drink, we play hilarious games and we do a "white elephant" christmas exchange.


last year (although I am holding it together in this picture) I spent most of the night bawling in the bath room.  We were in the throngs of waiting for a referral & still had hope for getting pregnant too.  I thought that day I might see a plus sign on about the 100th pregnancy test I'd taken over 2+ years and JUST between two of our friends announcing (during the white elephant gift exchange) that they were pregnant, old aunt flow came to visit.  Of coarse I was beyond thrilled for our precious friends (and especially thrilled to have Ian & Caleb in the picture below) but it was a heartbreaker for me.  

but last night, I sat at the party watching my monitor.  knowing that my home was full.  my arms are full.  just ONE YEAR ago I was swimming in heartbreak and today gods promise and timing is perfect and I am full of joy.

I guess I wanted to tell you that because I know there are women who are STILL waiting.  who's arms aren't full.  women who are longing to be the one to announce they are pregnant or longing to receive their referral   I just want you to know that there is HOPE.  your dawn is coming!  It might not be in your timing, and the road might be tough, but Gods timing is perfect.  and through this waiting I pray that you stay desperate for Him & that He draws you near.  

Asher, Analisa, Grayson, Caleb, Camp and Ian
Christmas 2012


  1. Wonderful! And if I DO say so myself your kids are the cutest ones. ;-) Thank you so much for your transparency.

  2. I love your honesty. You're such a precious friend and amazing mommy!!!

  3. I LOVE this! Thank you for sharing your heart and also those precious pictures!
    -Angela Tiland

  4. Thanks for sharing! After being home three years, I often forget that darkness. Great insight!

  5. Wow, this was beautiful! Thank you.

  6. Thank you. Your story was written to encourage me and give me hope in the wait.

  7. Wynne,, I am where you were a year ago, today. It seems like such a hard and empty time right now. Thank you for your encouragement and for the truth spoken through you!

  8. we have been in the waiting for 2 years and I have been learning over and over that God does have a plan even though I don't understand it at all! I am always encouraged to here others stories who received their miracle after waiting on the Lord.

  9. Hi there! I found your blog through Casey Weigand's and had to comment after reading this post. I'm interested in diving into your blog and reading your story because my husband and I have been waiting for 2.5 years for a baby. Everything you said is so true; we go through the darkness and it brings us closer to him. I could talk forever about the good and bad of infertility and how it's changed my relationship with the Lord for the better. It truly is a testimony of how beauty comes from the ashes. I write about it on my blog in a series called Waiting for Grace that I'm now turning into a book I hope to have out by late next year. And I also write for a Christian online infertility support website called Dancing Upon Barren Land. Both are filled with hope and encouragement for those struggling with these issues.

    Anyway, I didn't mean to comment just to plug away at those sites, but to tell you that your post encouraged me and that I'm looking forward to going back and reading more of your story!



  10. thank you so much for sharing your story. I can remember the times where I couldn't seem to stand and face another day but here I am, only by God's grace and healing covering me.

    my heart goes out to you.


  11. Beautiful. And beautiful kids too! :)

  12. I so needed to hear that. Thank you for sharing. I am currently in the waiting for adoption.

  13. what a wonderful, beautiful post! I too was that woman waiting and feeling heartbroken... and now my arms are fuller than I could have ever imagined. What a great reminder to have faith in his timing!


thanks for the love!