perfect timing.

Gods timing.  

it's perfect.  it really is.  it doesn't always seem like it.  sometimes we question.  sometimes we KNOW his timing is perfect but it still makes us mad.  sometimes the pain & darkness of waiting on his timing is too much to bear.  

If my heart is overwhelmed and I cannot hear Your voice

I’ll hold on to what is true though I cannot see

If the storms of life they come and the road ahead gets steep

I will lift these hands in faith I will believe

{Love Came Down, Bethel Live}

but then there is peace.  there is the knowing that His timing was perfect.  that you are exactly where you are supposed to be.  that the pain & darkness only drove you closer to Him.  it only made you more desperate for him.  and even in the peace and joy and hope - you want to stay that way.  desperate.  

When my heart is filled with hope and every promise comes my way

When I feel Your hands of grace rest upon me

Staying desperate for You God, Staying humbled at Your feet

I will lift these hands and praise I will believe

I am Yours, I am Yours, all my days, I am Yours

{Love Came Down, Bethel Live}

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This weekend was a reminder of Gods perfect timing and perfect peace.  this weekend.  our "no kids club" that has turned into the "new kids club" over the past three years.  

every year we have a Christmas party with these special friends and we celebrate.

we eat good food, we drink good drink, we play hilarious games and we do a "white elephant" christmas exchange.

{2011}

last year (although I am holding it together in this picture) I spent most of the night bawling in the bath room.  We were in the throngs of waiting for a referral & still had hope for getting pregnant too.  I thought that day I might see a plus sign on about the 100th pregnancy test I'd taken over 2+ years and JUST between two of our friends announcing (during the white elephant gift exchange) that they were pregnant, old aunt flow came to visit.  Of coarse I was beyond thrilled for our precious friends (and especially thrilled to have Ian & Caleb in the picture below) but it was a heartbreaker for me.  

but last night, I sat at the party watching my monitor.  knowing that my home was full.  my arms are full.  just ONE YEAR ago I was swimming in heartbreak and today gods promise and timing is perfect and I am full of joy.

I guess I wanted to tell you that because I know there are women who are STILL waiting.  who's arms aren't full.  women who are longing to be the one to announce they are pregnant or longing to receive their referral   I just want you to know that there is HOPE.  your dawn is coming!  It might not be in your timing, and the road might be tough, but Gods timing is perfect.  and through this waiting I pray that you stay desperate for Him & that He draws you near.  

Asher, Analisa, Grayson, Caleb, Camp and Ian

Christmas 2012