be present.

While I was in Africa, Stephen got the chance to go to Catalyst conference in Atlanta.

because he's amazing & wanted me to be part of what he heard & learned, he purchased the "expierence" kit and while we were in Caymans, I listened to a different podcast every day after lunch during my afternoon nap

I just finished listening to Andy Stanleys message.

while sitting here.....yes.....

I am feeling very convicted and also encouraged.

He started off by talking about how the more sucessful you get in ministry, the less avaliable you become. How people will start a conversation wtih you by saying, "I know you are busy but..."

and it's a true statement when it comes to leadership. I hate the "I know you are busy but..." routine.

I don't want to be "too busy" to engage in relationships.

I am a relational person.

I always have been. mostly been a "floater" of sorts. friends with all sorts of people and never was friends wtih just one group. in college I remember going to parties a lone a lot of the time because I wanted to hop around & talk to everyone. I can be independent like that.

so when things get busy & I feel myself being torn in various directions, I can spread myself pretty thin.

I want to say yes to every coffee date, lunch date, weekend get a way, conference, etc etc.

I have been known to have FOMO (fear of missing out)

but this season in my life has been the opposite.

instead of wearing myself out more & saying yes to more and more

I actually learned to go deep with a few

leadership roles, bible studies, prayer breakfasts, weekly lunch dates, random hang outs have not been a part of my daily life this fall.

it's been tough.

I love to be around people but I felt this season being a season of alone time with Jesus.

and being out of town a lot.

and so now I get the "you are always gone"

and that's tough too.

feeling a nudge to be more present where I am - starting in my neighborhood.

but that's a whole other story.

back to Andy.

being present.

being engaged.

doesn't always mean being fair!

"doing for ONE what you wish you could do for everyone"

that was his main idea. his families motto.

and I related it to my relationships the past few months.

normally spread thin, trying to be everything to everyone, I got burned out

so I scaled back

I retreated a bit.

more time at home.

more alone time with jesus, coffee & my bible

less time at lunch with friends, starbucks, on the phone, etc

instead of being everything to everyone

I have really gotten to go DEEP with a few

it's been hard, it's been rewarding, but mostly I realized what it means to "bear each others burdens" like it says in Galatians to do.

it's meant instead of fun lunch dates...

I've had hour long cry sessions on skype

and back and forth prayer texts that last for weeks

and extended prayer times with friends on their living room floor

i've gone deep instead of wide

I actually KNOW what's going on in those 5 or 6 friends lives

I've been present. I've been engaged.

but even though it's been hard, it's been beautiful

it's given me a glimpse into doing for one (or in my case 5 or 6) what I would love to do with everyone.

chew on that!